As 2023 comes to a close, I just wanted to thank all my readers for joining me on this literary journey – one where I seek the golden key to finding the ‘right’ literary agent . May your Christmas be filled with peace and hope for a better future. Meanwhile, this season may allow you time to pause and relax and enjoy family time too. My Christmas wish? OK, here it is:
I’m playing with words again and, this time, lingering over a short section of my final chapter. Here’s the original:
“I have a gift for you,” she chuckles.
The Christmas wrapping is enticing.
“I wonder what this could be?” I reply, shaking the parcel in the same way that I did as an excited young boy on Christmas Eve. “It feels solid.”
“A small keepsake,” she replies.
My hesitation is over the boy and his reaction to the present. What is missing? I remember now. It was not just a Christmas present, but my reaction as a young boy to the sight of all the presents under the Christmas tree and wanting to feel each one. So, I added to the text to give a sense of this excitement. It now reads,
“I have a gift for you,” she chuckles.
The Christmas wrapping is enticing.
“I wonder what this could be?” I reply, shaking the parcel in the same way that I did as an excited young boy on Christmas Eve. How I loved the presents wrapped and stacked beneath the family tree.
“It feels solid.”
“A small keepsake,” she replies.
My hope is that the addition of this text gives more sense of a boyish reaction, and has the reader getting excited too, to see what is inside the wrapping. Of course, I am not going to give the game away here and reveal the present, but it suits the plot.